A Call for Respect

Photo by Hannah Busing

Is it too provocative of me to mention Iceland's Women's Day Off on this International Women's Day?

Valuing Women's Work

On Oct 24,1975, 90% of women in Iceland went on strike for 24h, refusing to do any work, including housework and childcare. The reason for the strike was to highlight the value of the work that women do (paid and unpaid) in contributing to their country's economic and social welfare. It was also meant to be a protest against unfair gender-based employment practices and wage discrepancies. This led to changes in parliament and employment practices that resulted in the world's first female president 5 years later and Iceland being cited as being the most gender-equal country in the world.

Yet 48 years after the strike, Icelandic women felt compelled to hold another Women's Day Off because there was still a significant gender-based wage gap in Iceland. And like much of the rest of the world, Iceland is still plagued by gender-based violence.

What Are You Worth?

I was prompted to think about this question after a conversation with a dear friend who shared that she had hired a cleaning lady and a personal trainer. Even though she felt that these were essential to her well-being and her ability to be the parent she wanted to be for her children as a full-time working mum, there was a part of her that felt that it was indulgent of her and she felt guilty about scheduling in time for herself each week.

A Personal Observation

Of the 139 parents who contacted me in the last 12 months about music classes, 9 of them were fathers. To put this in perspective, mothers made up an overwhelming 93.5% of the inquiries. While I've enjoyed many of the conversations I've had with the mothers (perhaps you were one of them yourself), I find myself wondering why it is that there is such an imbalance.

It comes as little surprise to most of us that it's the mums who arrange playdates, doctors' visits, dental check ups, parent-teacher meetings, family celebrations, presents for friends and family, clothing for the family, meals and snacks, signing up for activities, keeping the home clean, etc. Women aren't biologically hardwired to handle all of the planning and execution of domestic tasks. Instead, I believe that a lot of the domestic and relationship-building responsibilities we take on are socially conditioned from birth.

We can't have a conversation about gender-equity unless we also talk about the elephant in the room which is how women are conditioned from a young age to be the nurturer, to be small, to be rule-followers. In other words, we'e conditioned to be perfect, to look out for everyone else's needs and to not take up space. Over time, we find ourselves resentful and burned out or going through the motions in a state of numbness and self-denial. We end up disconnected from what brings us joy. Disconnected from who we're meant to be. Disconnected from what makes us feel alive.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

The late, great Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, got it right - it comes down to respect. Gender equity begins with respecting ourselves enough to ask for help when we need it, to say no to family, social and work obligations when we barely have time to breathe and to advocate for our needs and our rights at home and in our workplace.

Instead of seeing asking for help as a sign of weakness, you can choose to see it as investing in yourself. And yes, that means there will be times when you will risk incurring the disapproval and displeasure of others. The choice is yours to make whether you let others dictate how you should live your life or whether you prioritise your mental, emotional and physical well-being which directly impacts on the well-being of your family.

A More Equitable Future

Looking to the next generation, boys need to be encouraged to embrace their nurturing side from a young age. Instead of talking about how to burn off all the energy they have, how about helping them channel that energy into activities that are community-building or in service of others? Or helping them to develop emotional literacy so that they can be empathetic and involved partners, fathers and colleagues? Instead of talking about how well-behaved a girl is, how about helping them to notice their courage and willingness to take on new challenges? Or helping them to build up resilience so that they have a stronger sense of self-worth and are equipped with a higher tolerance for failure and setbacks?

At a time when we have daily reminders of how short everyone's fuse seems to be, we can start building a kinder, more compassionate world by learning to respect our own needs. In so doing, we are better able to treat others with the kindness and respect that everyone deserves. On this International Women's Day, let's think about the ways we can build a more inclusive world that embraces the rich diversity of humanity.